Like the Weather

"The color of the sky as far as I can see is coal grey. Lift my head from the pillow and then fall again. With a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather. A quiver in my lips as if I might cry. Well by the force of will my lungs are filled and so I breathe. Lately it seems this big bed is where I never leave. Shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather. Quiver in my voice as I cry, "What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away." I hear the sound of a noon bell chime. Now I'm far behind. You've put in 'bout half a day while here I lie with a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather. A quiver in my lip as if I might cry, "What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away?"Do I need someone here to scold me or do I need someone who'll grab and pull me out of this four poster dull torpor pulling downward. For it is such a long time since my better days. I say my prayers nightly this will pass away.The color of the sky is grey as I can see through the blinds. Lift my head from the pillow and then fall again with a shiver in my bones just thinking about the weather. A quiver in my voice as I cry, "What a cold and rainy day. Where on earth is the sun hid away?" I shiver, quiver, and try to wake" Like the Weather by 10,000 Maniacs

We have all heard a song and thought "That is the greaset song EVER" and then precede to play it 500 times on the CD player (ok well now an MP3 or iPod but you get it) and it becomes your favorite. And you don't really know what it means but you just love it, and it doesn't matter what it means.

I have A LOT of favorite songs and they are favorite songs for different reason but there are a few that really stand out and Like the Weather by 10,000 Maniacs is one of those songs for me. When I was younger (ok "college age") I didn't understand what the words meant. But as I got older there was this moment where I just got it. I always new the song was about someone not wanting to get up. It never occured to me that it was because she was depressed. And I don't mean depressed as in oh, I am so depressed that I don't have money for those shoes. I think when people hear someone say "I am depressed" that is what they think. And I guess it does mean that but not for me or the thousands and thousands of others that suffer from depression. I suffer from both depression and anxiety. And I mean the not able to get out of bed because you just can't face anything kind of depression. Medication helps a lot but I still struggle. Someone once asked me why I wasn't embarrased to be on medication for my depression. It's funny because until that person said that to me it never occured to me that I should be embarrased (which I'm not). Why would I be? They never explained what they meant-we kind of dropped it. But I guess that is the perception people have. Like you should just be able to get over it and move on. And there are days where I do make myself get over it, get up and go to work. Now I have coping mechanisms that I didn't have before. And I am not embarrased to admit that I need help. I don't think it makes me weak-I think it makes me stronger because I know how to fix it. So the next time you find yourself agreeing with Tom Cruise and others that people don't need a magic pill to make them feel better-remember that you have no idea what someone goes through until you walk in their shoes. And I promise that you would not want to walk in mine during that.

The Tax Man

So, I am a little annoyed. At whom you ask? Well it is the NC Department of Revenue.
I filed my tax return back in February and I have not received my refund yet. I received my Federal refund in a few days. But, it appears that the state is having financial difficulties-just like the rest of us. Only unlike the rest of us, they can defer paying me my tax refund until June of this year without having to pay me interest. I guess my problem is this: it is my money. They have held on to it all year and now I need it. I have bills to pay, dogs to feed, food to buy. Don’t get me wrong, I am fine paying taxes. But when I pay more than my share I expect my refund in a timely manner. A month is not timely to me especially when you consider that the Federal Government has WAY MORE refunds to issue and they did it with no problem. So, I sit here and wait. And wait…

Snow Day in March