Dear Bunnie, Chloe and Otto

(this has gone around the email world for a while but so true for me and the tribe. I changed it a little and gave it my own spin!)

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - animal nose height:
Dear Bunnie, Chloe and Otto,


The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print or your nose in the middle of my plate and food does not make it your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The deck stairs were not designed by NASCAR and are not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

We cannot buy anything bigger than a queen sized bed. it won't fit in the room. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the sofa to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they
sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Visitors Who Like to Complain About My Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, they are adopted children who are short, hairy, walks on all fours and don't speak clearly.