K9 Mom's Thoughts While Mowing the Lawn

*WARNING* If curse words offend you, please skip this one. And, if anyone from work is reading this, I don't think the "Swear Jar" applies here right? Because, I don't think my pay check will cover it!

Walking to the shed (sigh...didn't I just mow this freakin' lawn?)

Opening the shed (Crap, I hope there are no spiders in here. Ok well I don't see any-something crawls on my shoe-HOLY CRAP WHAT WAS THAT!?! Seriously, beetle don't even think about crawling me. I don't want to scream and then squish you.)

Sitting on the tractor trying to start it ("Look Beast, please start before I start to scream! Oh wait, maybe there isn't any gas...")

Trying to take off the gas cap ("ok did Hercules put the damn thing on here or what?! Oh wait, it was dad...DAD!" (say this like Jerry Seinfield would say "Newman")

Ok look- there is gas in here so start damn you START!" Oh good here we go...

K9 Mom backs out of the shed hitting the fence a bit ("SHIT..Again with the damn fence...")

"So, I did diagonal last time...maybe straight lines? Yes I think so".

Here is where I turn on the MP3 Player and start to get in the mowing groove...

Humming...OH I LOVE THIS SONG!! Annie Lennox you completely rock"! Ok I sing here for a while, I must admit to a hand movement or two..Bunnie doesn't care she is trying catch a cat..who is about 100 feet on the other side of the fence but I applaud her dedication..

"Ok favorite part...And if you're trying to cut me down, You know that I might bleed, Cause if your trying to cut me down, I know that you;ll succeed.And if you want to hurt me, there's nothing left to fear. Cause if you want to hurt me, you're doing really well my dearrrr..." I think I should you tube that when I get in. John Malkovich and Hugh Laurie I think...OUTSTANDING!!

Author's note: Yes, I really think words like outstanding, he is a gem etc. I am a goof ball.

So from here, I pretty much just sing and hum and drive around.

"Oh man I hate the push mower part...but here we go..Bunnie stop trying to bite the lawn mower. Trust me it won't end well for you"...

I mow for a while, sweat A LOT and then... KURPLUNK!!! Mower stops.

"What the hell...oh crap, crap crap I hit that stump. CRAP!!! Please start. Please START!!!! I don't want to have to call dad. "Ok maybe I should go in for a Dr. Pepper and feed the dogs. I will give it a chance to rest".

I get a drink and go back out. It starts.

"Hmmm My hydrangeas are lovely..I should cut some, whoa watch the hose! Um excuse me, person turning around in my drive way-really? Should you be doing that while I am standing right here? I mean go down to the next street and turn around why don't you?" "One day I am going to catch the damn individuals who throw litter in my yard and throw their beer bottles right back at them!!! Littering is against the law DAMN YOU!!" Ok just calm down and keep on mowing...Mowing, mowing and more mowing...

SO, on this outing I almost ran over my croc wearing foot while trying to open the gate and push the mower through without turning it off, I hit my head on a low branch, ran into a bush that had lots of thorns on it and got a blister from holding the handle down.

And the best part, is I get to do this ALL over again in 4 more days! But, my lawn looks super good. Even my mom said it looked nice while she was cutting hydrangeas. Now THAT my friends is quite the compliment!