Terror in the Shed

So, if you read my blog at all you know that I am quite the animal-nature lover. I help turtles and opossums, rescue snakes from the road, let the very back of my yard get a bit overgrown so that little creatures have places to live, let the deer eat all my pants and never complain and take injured birds to the emergency vet. I say this so you understand my dedication to the flora and fauna of Wake Forest. Ok but there are three things I can not abide; spiders, camel back cave crickets and roaches. I am not crazy about insects in general but lady bugs and butterflies are ok. Also, I try not to do anything too damaging to the environment as far as pest control. I use Sevins Dust to keep the ants out of the feral cats food (safe for animals by the way)and to control the hoppers under house. I also keep the grass short to keep the flea and tick population down. Other than that, I don;t do anything.

As much as I hate spiders I leave them alone outside. I have a rule for spiders, you don't bother me, I don't bother you. Period. You stay outside, I let you live. You come inside and depending on the look of you I MIGHT take you outside. MIGHT. Camel back cave crickets and roaches well, there is no mercy for you. Sorry. You get the Scrubbing Bubbles (I will have to explain that later).

So, I am sure you are wondering "what is the terror in the shed"? Well, WAIT I AM GETTING TO THAT!

So, tonight was grass cutting night. I donned my baseball cap, holey t-shirt and stretched out yoga pants and sauntered out to the shed. I throw open the doors to the shed and immediately stop and check for crawling things. I saw one little woodland roach, ok just step over him. No big deal. And then something black over in the corner catches my eye. Upon closer inspection I start to silently freak out. "HOLY CRAP THERE IS A HUGE BLACK WIDOW IN A WEB UNDER ONE OF THE EXTRA KITCHEN CHAIRS"! OMG! HOLY SHIT!!!!" Ok, I stand there at a loss for at least 3 minutes. Which is a long time when you are scared to death to move because the 12 inch black widow (exaggeration) might jump for me while saying in a raspy voice "why are you disturbing me"-think Aragog from Harry Potter or the spider from Lord of the Rings.

Now, if you have been paying attention, you know my issue with spiders. It has invaded my space so it must be destroyed. I have no idea how to kill it because I am afraid to get closer than 25 feet from it. But, I also understand that I have to kill it. My scrubbing bubbles is in the car port so I am defenseless. I grab one of those paint stirrer things but realize if I used that I would have to get closer than I am comfortable with. So I fnd a 2 foot piece of wood and get it on there. Then I squish the hell out if it until there is nothing left. I feel bad...for about 5 seconds where I ask God, Virgin Mary and Saint Francis to forgive me, but they know my feelings on the matter. So I mow the grass and come inside. I shower, eat some cheerios and get on my laptop. And what do I do? I Google Black Widow Spider where I spend the next 10 minutes reading and looking at webpages dedicated to Black Widows and Brown Recluse Spiders. "Ok Seriously, WHAT IN THE HELL AM I THINKING!" I will never sleep now. So, long about 1:00 a.m., feel free to call me. I guarantee I will up!