I am not sure what to title this as I am not sure what I am going to say. My gramma's funeral was yesterday and there is a lot I want to say but not sure how to say it. My brother did a eulogy for my gramma and it was perfect. Sincere, emotional and even funny in all the right places. It was a perfect testament to her. I am a terrible writer. I am not good at organizing my thoughts and things just come out and it goes all over the place. Funny, that is just like my life! Anyway...

My gramma, Loretta Helen Michna Kmak was a great lady. A fitting description of her would be "a fine southern lady" except my gramma wasn't southern. She was Polish and from the "region". That is what we call the area right outside of Chicago where all the steel mill and oil refineries are and where the people who work in them live and where I am from. I am not going to go into all of that because it would take hours. But my gramma was pretty amazing. She was always dressed like she was going to church. Not a hair out of place or a fuzz on her clothes. She always looked perfect. She could cook for just one or for 50. It didn't matter. Her house was always meticulous. Not a dish in the sink or a leaf on the carpet. My grmma was a strong person. Like no one I have ever met. She put up with so much and it just made her stronger. She went out and got a job and worked to make her own money so she did not have to ask my grandpa for any.

I remember when I was first separated from my ex. I used to go to my parent's house every Saturday night and spend it with my gramma so my parents could go out to a movie. I always picked up take out from somewhere and we ate and watched Lawrence Welk on PBS. On this particular night, my brother was not there it was just me and my gramma. She asked how I was doing and I remember telling her how I did not know how I was going to get through this. I remember she told me that I was a good girl and smart and that of course I would get through it. She also told me that I didn't need a man to take care of me, I could take care of myself. And she was right.
I still struggle every day with being alone, not having money for things like vacations, lunches out or new fancy clothes. But I have something so much more and that is my family. When we finally had to put her in to a facility we went to see her every Sunday. I treasure those times because no matter what, we were all together. The last thing my gramma said to me the night before she died was "Be good" and then she hugged me and wouldn't let me go. Like she knew that was the last time she would see me. I just hope that I make her proud.

Gramma, I am trying to be good. Thanks for all you taught me. I just wish your cleaning habits would have rubbed off on me more. :-) I love you. I hope you are in peace up there with your mom and dad and brother. I will never forget you. You were a great grandma.